by John Rocco
I’m sorry my soul bro, Bartleby
now shoveling it in
Heaven’s thick stew
with kings and councilors and Poe’s girl
but Igor makes me want to believe in
humanity. I know it sounds like bullshit
but really, I swear. His story
makes me want to live, to actually
accept the fact that human beings have
SOULS. And shit on their shoes.
Did you read the paper today
oh dear dead boy
It was pretty clear in its story:
He’s the greatest bicycle thief in history.
That Italian movie had only one bike stolen.
He, Igor Kenk, stole 2,865 bikes.
Igor holds the world’s record for most bicycle thefts.
And he is the most hated man in Toronto.
Igor stole so many bikes
that when the police came to his
used bike shop
the fire department wouldn’t
let them in
because it was too dangerous with all the bikes.
They actually don’t know what he would have
done with all the bikes:
melt them down for scrap?
But the cops are thinking money
but I know Igor was thinking art
because along with the 2,865 stolen bikes
the cops also found cocaine,
15 pounds of pot,
and a stolen bronze
sculpture of a centaur fighting a giant snake.
He was obviously working on something.
You are my hero!
Steal their bikes!
They should be happy to be in a work of art
like a painting, or drunkenness, or her,
and the stolen sculpture says it all.
You are the centaur
half tortured man, half muscle horse
fighting the giant killer snake
and it’s Apollo
God in a thick horny reptile
using prophecy and hot pussy
to strangle your
I am with you in prison!
I am with you in Toronto!
I am with you in stealing bikes!
I am with you in the breaking of their chains and riding them away!
I am with you in fighting the slimy
giant ugly killer snake telling us
everything is impossible
and everything can’t be ours.