by John Rocco


I’m sorry my soul bro, Bartleby

now shoveling it in

stuffed with

Heaven’s thick stew

with kings and councilors and Poe’s girl

but Igor makes me want to believe in

humanity.  I know it sounds like bullshit

but really, I swear.  His story

makes me want to live, to actually

accept the fact that human beings have

SOULS.  And shit on their shoes.

Did you read the paper today

oh dear dead boy

in neverneveraliveland?

It was pretty clear in its story:

He’s the greatest bicycle thief in history.

That Italian movie had only one bike stolen.

He, Igor Kenk, stole 2,865 bikes.

Igor holds the world’s record for most bicycle thefts.

And he is the most hated man in Toronto.

Igor stole so many bikes

that when the police came to his

used bike shop

the fire department wouldn’t

let them in

because it was too dangerous with all the bikes.

They actually don’t know what he would have

done with all the bikes:

melt them down for scrap?

But the cops are thinking money

but I know Igor was thinking art

because along with the 2,865 stolen bikes

the cops also found cocaine,

crack cocaine,

15 pounds of pot,

and a stolen bronze

sculpture of a centaur fighting a giant snake.


He was obviously working on something.



You are my hero!

Steal their bikes!

They should be happy to be in a work of art

like a painting, or drunkenness, or her,

and the stolen sculpture says it all.

You are the centaur

half tortured man, half muscle horse

fighting the giant killer snake

and it’s Apollo

God in a thick horny reptile

using prophecy and hot pussy

to strangle your



Oh Igor!

I am with you in prison!

I am with you in Toronto!

I am with you in stealing bikes!

I am with you in the breaking of their chains and riding them away!

I am with you in fighting the slimy

giant ugly killer snake telling us

everything is impossible

and everything can’t be ours.


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